girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
