My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
