I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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