Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize