I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
