So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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