Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize