i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
