Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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