If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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