Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
