i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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