So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
