Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
