Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
