biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
