So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize