You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
