Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize