Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
