After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
