She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
