i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
