so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
