he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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