Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
