I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
