He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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