Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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