There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize