yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize