I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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