I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
