how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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