Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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