I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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