she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
