Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
