she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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