You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
