nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
