I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
