Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
