Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The best revenge is premature balding
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
