If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
