Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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