if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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