We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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