just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
