Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
