And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
