Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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