I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just had sex on a roof
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
