sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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