Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
