hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
