if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
