He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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