Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
