Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
