you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
