smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
