Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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