She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
