Me too!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
