UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
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