you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
