I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
