I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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