she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
