Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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