shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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