My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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