Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
