weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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