he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
