I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
