I want to make a zoo with you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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