he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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