my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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