i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
