I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize