Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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