actually, I'm a sock model
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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