Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
