fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize