my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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