Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
