those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
