just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize