Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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