I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
