fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
