I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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