If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
