there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
