my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize